The Big Mistake
by Rachel Riddle-Malfoy
Summary: Tanya Jennings reflects on her life and one, Blaize Zambini.


**Hey y'all… The poem in this story is mine. It's a one-shot for now, unless I get some good reviews. Don't worry- 'Be Afraid' will continue. I just had to get this out of my head, first. Anyone you recognize doesn't belong to me. k, thanks!**

Background: Tanya Jennings, works at a primary school for magically gifted children created by the Ministry of Magic in Wiltshire.

Blaize Zambini works for the Entertainment Dept. of the Ministry based in Scotland.

Draco Malfoy, works in the Quidditch Dept. of the Ministry in London.

All three graduated together. Tanya helped Blaize with schoolwork so he could pass his NEWTs. Blaize introduced her to Draco- they are good friends now.

ON WITH THE STORY:

_I think about you_

_And the bridges I burned_

_To keep myself from falling_

_I guess I should have learned._

I really am glad I have the summers off. I just wish I had some distractions. When I teach, I have twenty little smiling faces to keep me occupied. I've found that in the summer there is nothing to keep me from thinking about Blaize Zambini, the man who used to be my best friend. Everything reminds me of him- especially since I chose to teach in our hometown. I can't get him out of my head. I should explain. We haven't spoken in a year. I made sure of that when I told him to bugger off and come see me when he grew up. I told him this in a fit of anger and desperation. I did what my parents wanted. I got away from the one person who could hurt me so completely. I should also tell you, dear reader, that I am in love with said best friend and have been for quite some time. I thought that breaking off all contact would help me get over this, but I was sadly mistaken.

_Once you start you cannot stop_

_Until you hit the wall_

_When you meet the one to be with_

_And begin to fall._

I met Blaize back at Hogwarts. It seems so long ago. I was in Ravenclaw and he in Slytherin in the same year. Ravenclaws and Slytherins aren't paired together often, but I knew Blaize from flying class and the school choir. Then in 7th year, Blaize came to me. He was in danger of failing his NEWTs. He asked for my help saying that if a Ravenclaw couldn't help him pass, no one could. It was then that I realized that I really liked Blaize, but he was my friend. I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship even when my best girl friend was telling me to ask him out. I hated watching him be with so many others, but I've always been a little bit shy. So, I kept on tutoring him with the hope that one day, he'd see what was right in front of him the whole time. We stayed friends after we graduated and were pretty close. We'd always get together when everyone was home (our group of friends were all from the same town). That's how I became friends with Draco. Although everyone knew of Malfoy in school, I never became friends with him. That changed one week when Blaize introduced me to his best friend. We hit it off right away and we always had one thing in common to talk about- Blaize. I think Draco always suspected I liked Blaize, but he'd never say anything about it. That's just the way he is.

_I realize now I was in to deep_

_To get myself out_

_Leaving was the big mistake_

_I made without a doubt._

I said before that I thought breaking off contact was a good idea. I could get over him no problem if he wasn't around to remind me off all the fun times we had together. I was so very wrong. If anything I just made certain that I love him. Drake and I went out the other night. Whenever he's in town we try to get together to catch up on things. Somehow or another things always turn to Blaize. I'd asked about him while we were talking. "TJ maybe you should just talk to him. He has one of those muggle cell phones like you do. Call him." He told me. Of course, I've thought about calling. Hell, I think about calling every day. Every day I wonder if he's think the same. I've realized now that leaving was the biggest mistake of my life. Sure I didn't want to watch him be with other people anymore, but at least then I could see him, hang out with him, be around him. Now I'm just empty. If I'd wanted out, I should never have tutored him at Hogwarts. I'm too attached now. I can still remember how he looked. But the things I loved: his eyes, his scent, and his smile- they're fading and I dread the day I can no longer remember them. I know that day is coming soon. I fear it's too late to fix the damage I've done.

_Every day I think of you_

_And how we've grown apart_

_Every day is one day lived_

_Till I die a broken heart._

During these summer days when I'm home alone and when I lie awake at night, my thoughts wonder to Blaize. What is he doing? Does he miss me? Is he angry? I think of how it's my fault that we grew apart. I curse myself for being selfish- for wasting a year of our friendship all because of a moment of anger. If I'd listened to my heart instead of my head and those around me, I wouldn't be in this mess. I think of how it took me a year to realize that I'll die without my best friend. Of course, every time I think of these things my heart feels like it's being pulled from my chest. So, I live with the constant pain of knowing that I screwed up- that I can't take it back. And given the chance, I'd spend the rest of my life making up for what I did. But since we're both so hardheaded I doubt the day will come. I think I'll write a book. I know exactly how it would start. I, Tanya Jennings, am in love with my best friend. The biggest mistake I made was to not tell him how I felt. So now I get to die a broken heart.

**A/N: I know it's cheesy and not very good, but I just couldn't get the storyline out of my head. At least if I put it on here someone else can tell me I'm crazy and I won't have to wonder. Thanks for reading :-)**


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